, you define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. For men, it's the fear of not being wealthy enough, tough enough, or smart enough.
Why is vulnerability so vital to healthy relationships? The number one shame trigger for men is being perceived as weak.
Because vulnerable people are more likely to see straight through man’s shit, and more likely to keep real friends, not followers.
But I stopped; something told me to wake the hell up.
Why is reaching out and talking about shame so important for overcoming it? I think there is still some Barbie and John Wayne stuff lingering in all of us.
The story I tell that gets the biggest reaction from the guys in my audiences is when a man approached me after a lecture I gave on shame to say, "My wife and daughters…they'd rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off.
A powerful way to create safety with a man is to withhold judgment and show him tons of appreciation.
I said, touching the tag behind, and looking towards him. Just after I said thanks and the man was walking off…laughed heartily and LOUDLY.
Remember that confidence means that you believe in yourself.
It’s a reflection of how you feel about your abilities.
I started thinking about what I’d learned over the years about being vulnerable and how it helps to create dating success.
My answer was very typical me and it started with reframing what we believe it means to be vulnerable.